The most common causes for divorce

No one goes down the aisle at a wedding ceremony hoping that, a few years later, they will be sitting in a courtroom waiting for a judge to declare that marriage to be over with. However, the divorce rate continues to grow, showing that somewhere after two people make the decision to spend their lives together, things fall apart. Here are some reasons why this happens.

The first reason has to do with communication. There are a number of theories out there as to why communication breaks down, but the truth is that it does, no matter what the reason. Both spouses have to be committed to maintaining open lines of communication throughout the relationship. As long as communication remains open, and both sides are willing to sit down and understand one another, the marriage will remain viable.

The second reason has to do with compromise. Most people enter marriages having lived on their own for a while these days. When you live by yourself, you develop routines and habits that become difficult to change. When you marry someone, though, you no longer live alone, and you are no longer only responsible for yourself. This is where financial issues and other lifestyle questions come into play, as the couple has to hash out the differences that divide them.

The third reason has to do with commitment. We are a society that focuses on the needs of the self, rather than the needs of the other. Because of this, it is increasingly difficult for people to commit to something that requires sacrifice or pain. Over time, it is easier to withdraw and focus on what we need, rather than on how we can help the other person.

But why do these three reasons lead to so much divorce? There are many explanations. If you are of a background with strong religious faith, the answer is somewhat simpler. If you adhere to the principles of your religion, you will have a strong marriage. This can also be said of secular humanism, political beliefs, and a variety of other moral codes. Shared beliefs are important. No matter what your form of religion, dogma, or other beliefs, if both of you keep to the same principles, you will have a stronger relationship.

However, there are also other factors. An article in Cosmopolitan magazine from several years ago cited research showing that the most reliable predictor of a successful marriage is the amount of success that both spouses had before the marriage in maintaining close, platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex before they ran into each other. If you have had those types of relationships, you know what kinds of emotional attention the opposite sex needs. Think about how little time husbands and wives spend together for the purposes of pure romance, once the wedding over. They will have to be friends for their marriage to survive. If either or both of them have failed at keeping friends of the opposite sex before they married, how are they going to keep a friend that lives with them?

Is adultery a cause or a symptom of the problem? While adultery does often lead to divorce, it is often a symptom of a problem that was already there. If couples can agree to communicate, compromise, and commit to one another, their marriages will be strong.

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