Mediation: Its sources and uses during divorce

When most people think about divorce, they think about angry people wrangling in court, testifying before a judge, and leaving in tears. However, there is an alternative to this stressful sort of handling divorce, known as mediation. It is becoming a very common practice, and in fact is often ordered by judges as a step before going to trial.

The most helpful form of mediation happens when you and your spouse go and meet with a neutral mediator, with all three of you in the same room. If everyone can keep a cool head during the proceedings, you two can use the help of the mediator to get through all of the different issues that need to be resolved before the divorce can be finalized, and you two can move on with your lives.

There are different types of mediation, and there are different personality types of mediators, and those will affect how things go in the room. However, there are some things that are always true about mediation. It is flexible, and it is confidential. It will give the two of you a forum in which to take the conflict and settle it. This conflict is a natural part of divorce, but it is also true that the two of you will need to be able to communicate as you move forward, particularly if you have children together. Mediation can help you move in that direction.

The mediator will always stay neutral between the two of you. That means that neither of you will be able to ask the mediator for advice, and that neither of you can use the mediator as a lawyer during these proceedings. However, the mediator can use the session time to stress to both of you what you are trying to get done in that meeting. Keeping the flow of communication open and free will help the spouses to negotiate together confidently and discreetly. Both spouses have the same material and information to work with, and so if both of them are ready to negotiate fruitfully, it should take a lot less time to mediate a settlement than it would to go through a trial in front of a judge.

You are permitted to bring your attorney with you to mediation if you would like, or you can step out and consult your attorney between sessions, either in person or over the phone. However, this is not necessary. It is often a waste of money to pay your attorney to sit in mediation with you.

This is all voluntary, remember. The meeting will only last as long as all three of you want it to. The mediator has to have good cause to step out of the meeting, but the two of you can leave at any time.

Does it work? Yes. Research shows legions of couples that have successfully reached divorce agreements without the high stress and cost of a divorce trial. The former spouses are happier, their children are happier, and they had a lot more money left at the end of things.

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